Here We Stand

Let me start off by saying I've wanted to update everyone a million times, but I felt awkward and embarrassed. I felt like if I put this out there we would be judged, ridiculed, and looked at differently by some. But the more I thought, the more I realized... If anyone had something less than supportive to say about the situation they obviously aren't who we thought they were in our lives. With that said, I know there will be private judgement anyway and speculation of what "really" is going on, I know there will be those who will find it tacky or trashy that we would air our "dirty laundry" for the world, and then there will be those who love us, support us, and trust us while standing by our side as we fight through this. The latter are those I'm writing this for. Those who have stood by us through our journey to Levi, during Levi's health scares, and will continue to after the fact. Those who have prayed for us, for the known and the unknown. We're ready to let you know just what those unknown prayers are for.

This has been the hardest two months of our lives. We have never felt more scared or uncertain. We've never been more hurt by things said to us; accusations, opinions and assumptions. Never in a million years did we think this could or even would happen to us. I can honestly say that I have found the one thing worse than dealing with infertility to achieve our child, and that is the potential for him to be taken away.

Levi was admitted to the children's hospital per his GI before we even left the office on November 22. His vomiting was out of control, his weight was down, and we needed to get him hydrated and gaining weight. We had no idea what was going to happen while we were in the hospital or the hell we would be put through following that visit. Part of his treatment plan was to have an NG tube, later advanced to an NJ tube placed. To do this there was a need for X-rays to assure correct placement, Levi received four on separate days. It wasn't until the 26th, when he received the fourth X-ray, that our fate was sealed. They found a fractured rib in our baby.

The GI came in to tell us, he explained that it looked to have been about 2 weeks old based on the calcification. He told us that he had no doubts about us, but per hospital policy he needed to report it. The child abuse specialist from the hospital had to come see us, and we would also need to speak to the hospital social worker. Levi needed to have more tests done, a bone scan and an MRI. Despite finding nothing aside from the rib, CPS became involved and that's when the worst came to light.

The abuse "specialist" attacked us from the moment she met us. Accusations were thrown and hurtful things said. We were told that his injury was caused by squeezing Levi and that it would be easy to get that frustrated with "a baby like Levi, with his health problems and crying." Every possibly idea we had for his fracture was brushed to the side. It couldn't have been when we swaddled him or tucked him in too tight. It definitely wasn't caused by massaging his belly for gas relief too hard or tightening his car seat too much. We questioned all his previous doctor and hospital visits, we were grasping at straws to find someway, somehow our baby had been hurt. But no, the "nature of the injury" seemed to prove that one of us had squeezed him. She went so far as to say that he could have been run over by a car and not sustained the fracture. This is when we knew we had a long road ahead of us, we just didn't realize all that it held.

Levi was placed in 72 hour protective custody. Had we not been in the hospital we would not have been able to stay with him, he would have been placed in foster care. However, until we had a family member out with us we couldn't leave the hospital with him. At that point, November 30, Toby's dad came out to stay with us for the week. Finally, after a week in the hospital, we were returning home. We had home visits and meetings, and it was then decided that they would continue pursuing our case. If no family member could stay with us, once again they would be looking to put Levi into the system. Luckily my mom then came out, and stayed with us from December 6th until January 16th, when other circumstances were put into place, doing whatever we can to keep our baby in our home, in our care.

We have taken polygraphs and personality inventories, we have two different social workers coming into our home weekly and have unannounced visits from the case worker. We are trying day after day to figure out how this could have happened to our sweet boy, who we sought after for so long. We question ourselves for seeking medical attention so often. While we know it was right, getting him the help he needs, we are so hurt that it seems to have backfired on us. From birth until this surfaced Levi had been in the care of a medical professional at least once a week, sometimes more. It was never noted that he was in pain, he was never inconsolable, and there was never any bruising. My birthing physician has even written to say it was possible that it was acquired during the c-section. We have found that the abuse "specialist" has previously falsely accused parents of abuse, mistaking birthmarks for bruises, and they continue to take her word. It seems the state of Washington's system has a malicious agenda against us, they're only goal is to tear our family apart and all we can do is stand our ground in the line of fire.

We have appointments, meetings, and so much more taking up all of our time, but we are standing strong as a family. We have received an overwhelming amount of support from the family and friends we have previously confided in, and we couldn't be more grateful. There is such a long road ahead of us but we know we can get through this by standing strong, the three of us together. It's funny how the things you think will break you most tend to only make you stronger, and that's just what it's doing for us.