So I've come to accept that I'm not a good blogger. Even though I think if I wrote more it would help me out, I just never get around to it. Hmmm.
Anyways, I'm back to trying to get my life on track again. I had a job but quit due to a lack of interest, I miss salon work more than anything. On the opposite end of that, I know I won't find any work like Burton's, so I'm afraid to put myself out there. But if I never try, I'll never know. I've also tried to get myself back on track for school but it doesn't look like that's going to happen either.
It's kind of frustrating to me, to know that I'm trying so hard just for everything to fight against me. Sometimes I think it might be easier to go back home to the job I love and school I know. But how do I live my marriage 2500 miles away form my husband? He thinks it's a good idea too at times, and I don't know how I feel about that. Part of me wants him to let me go, but another part wants him to tell me no, he wants me to stay.
We have issues, any relationship does, but I think this whole thing is just stressing out both of us. I also don't think it helps to have only one vehicle, leaving me stuck in the apartment all day long, with no outside communication. It gets very lonely, and he doesn't understand that. How can I expect him to? He gets that interaction, he's with people all day long. In the end, I just come off as a mean person because once he gets home all I want is his attention. I'm not needy, I'm lonely.. and there's a huge difference.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die.
It's funny how small holidays hurt as much as the bigger ones. Today's been really slow moving and even the weather has followed suit for the mood. Losing a parent isn't something that can be explained in words. The emotions that run through you constantly, every little thing reminds you of them, and no matter how hard you try to stand strong it all eventually comes out. Unless you've been in the situation, you really don't understand and you can't relate one bit.
It's been three and a half years since my Dad moved on from here, and I'd like to think all his pain is finally gone and he's back playing golf with his buddies and Dad. All the same, where does that leave me still standing on the planet without him? I've accomplished so much in the time that's passed and I feel like it's all for nothing without him here to see it.
Gosh I miss him so much. I can't even explain.
January 26, 1956- January 16, 2008
James Cornelius
It's been three and a half years since my Dad moved on from here, and I'd like to think all his pain is finally gone and he's back playing golf with his buddies and Dad. All the same, where does that leave me still standing on the planet without him? I've accomplished so much in the time that's passed and I feel like it's all for nothing without him here to see it.
Gosh I miss him so much. I can't even explain.
January 26, 1956- January 16, 2008
James Cornelius
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bittersweet Moments
One of the hardest parts of being so far away from home are the holidays we have to spend alone. Sure we're together, but it would mean so much more if we could be with our families. As Easter comes up, we're going to be spending it with some good friends of ours, we actually spent Thanksgiving with them as well. All the same, being home would just be ideal for these days.
On another note, a new addition to my side of the family made her appearance on April 15th, 2011. Sophia Yvvone is my new niece, one of 5 nieces and nephews I have, and I won't get to meet her until June 2nd. I was just starting to get close with her older brother before we left, thinking I had a chance for one of them to actually know who I was. Pictures really just don't do them justice, these are the years you don't get back, and a picture isn't the laughter I'm missing out on.
We can't have this be all negativity, so let me just say.. Washington, keep the sunshine please! I've really enjoyed it the past week and can't say as if I've ever been happier for a sun burn in my life!
On another note, a new addition to my side of the family made her appearance on April 15th, 2011. Sophia Yvvone is my new niece, one of 5 nieces and nephews I have, and I won't get to meet her until June 2nd. I was just starting to get close with her older brother before we left, thinking I had a chance for one of them to actually know who I was. Pictures really just don't do them justice, these are the years you don't get back, and a picture isn't the laughter I'm missing out on.
We can't have this be all negativity, so let me just say.. Washington, keep the sunshine please! I've really enjoyed it the past week and can't say as if I've ever been happier for a sun burn in my life!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Just the Beginning
April seems to hold so many milestones for us on our journey together! It's so hard to imagine that we've been a part of the Army for a year now. Not to mention Toby is soon so be promoted to an PFC. I feel like it's taken so long to get here, but at the same time it's going by so fast! Six months ago I married my best friend and moved across the country with him the following day. Without spontaneity, what would a relationship be? Nothing short of a very dull life, that's the only thing I'm sure of.
Moving from little Perrysburg, Ohio to the fast paced city of Olympia, Washington.
Land of the trees and home of the gray.
Who's idea was it to place Washington so far from Ohio? I'd like to have a very stern word with them. Ft. Lewis never even crossed our mind when looking at bases. In fact, I don't even think I knew one existed until we were stationed here. It's the hardest thing to live so far away from home, but the one perk? I'm living with my best friend. All I have to do is see him smiling at me, and I know we will be okay.
We have become so much better for each other since our move, but that's the beauty of marriage. You no longer rely on parents or other family members. You have to begin to rely solely on one another, and when all else fails love each other with every inch of yourself. Talk things over, cry if you have to, pray to God for any advice he can offer. The one thing unavailable? Running home to Mom, over 2000 some odd miles away.
Who knew that not two years after I graduated high school I would be not just married, but an Army wife. Definitely not me, the thought wouldn't have crossed my mind in a million years. But honestly? I'm okay with it. This is just the beginning of our journey with the military, and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us.
<3
Moving from little Perrysburg, Ohio to the fast paced city of Olympia, Washington.
Land of the trees and home of the gray.
Who's idea was it to place Washington so far from Ohio? I'd like to have a very stern word with them. Ft. Lewis never even crossed our mind when looking at bases. In fact, I don't even think I knew one existed until we were stationed here. It's the hardest thing to live so far away from home, but the one perk? I'm living with my best friend. All I have to do is see him smiling at me, and I know we will be okay.
We have become so much better for each other since our move, but that's the beauty of marriage. You no longer rely on parents or other family members. You have to begin to rely solely on one another, and when all else fails love each other with every inch of yourself. Talk things over, cry if you have to, pray to God for any advice he can offer. The one thing unavailable? Running home to Mom, over 2000 some odd miles away.
Who knew that not two years after I graduated high school I would be not just married, but an Army wife. Definitely not me, the thought wouldn't have crossed my mind in a million years. But honestly? I'm okay with it. This is just the beginning of our journey with the military, and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us.
<3
Tolmie State Park 4/8/2010
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