Today my sweet, funny, ornery Levi is 16 months old. Much to my dismay, yes, I am that parent that will probably forever refer to my child's age in months. Or maybe just until he's two. That seems like it could be a good stopping point. Who knows though. I mean, here I am 10 months past an originally set stopping point for me. I'm going to make some people uncomfortable and talk about that again, too.
Before pregnancy I was on the fence about breastfeeding. I thought maybe I would do it, but maybe not. It was weird to think about, it made me uncomfortable, I was that person who felt awkward when others would feed their babies in front of me. In many cases I wouldn't even look at them while feeding for fear of it becoming uncomfortable or *gasp* I might see a boob. Whatever.
As pregnancy went on and eventually Levi was born I had made up my mind. I would try and I would hopefully make it to 6 months. That was long enough to give him the immunities he could gain from me and short enough that he couldn't walk up and tell me to pull it out and feed him. It seemed like a fair compromise, and I was happy with the decision.
As most everyone knows, we didn't get the textbook breastfeeding relationship I hoped for. In fact, I only got to nurse him for 2 months before his feeding tube was placed and we had to supplement with formula to help his GI issues. By the time I tried to get him to latch again he was no longer interested in working for his food thanks to the instant gratification of the tube and bottles. It killed me inside and we both cried together the two times I tried before completely giving up, surrendering myself to the pump. I still had 1-2 months left to meet that 6 month goal.
Once we figured out that Levi couldn't tolerate much of anything due to the allergies I had made my mind made up. I would pump until he was a year old keeping a special diet so he can tolerate it. He's not latched on me so it won't be uncomfortable or awkward for me. I can totally do this. And I did, from December 6, 2013 to almost August 2014 I didn't eat anything containing dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, peanuts, treenuts, fish or shellfish. For about a month or so that list also included corn, crazy right? The doctors seemed to think so. They almost seemed like they wanted to talk me out of it, like it wasn't possible. But it was, and I did it.
When you look back at pictures and see a sickly skinny, failing to thrive baby that is your own it's incredibly heart breaking. How could we not see just how bad it was? I'm not saying he wasn't cute, let's be honest he's always been amazingly adorable, but how could we repetedly post pictures for the world to see of him looking this way? People must have thought we were crazy not to see this. Comparing the results of my diet and continuing to pump for him to those while he was FTT continue to amaze us. He's grown to this beautifully mostly healthy boy, on the growth charts and finally meeting milestones, because of what I can do for him. I'm going past a year.
The doctors, both pediatrician and GI, began to tell me that if I could make it until 2 years I would be doing the best for Levi. I looked at them like they were insane. Do they realize that my life revolves around this tiny machine? Pump for 20-30 minutes every 3-4 hours stressing over every drop and ounce praying that I make enough to continue helping him, make sure I have all my parts clean and working, feed Levi, and repeat.
Want to make plans? Sure, I just have to be back home by 4, due to pump and I really can't push past 4 hours. Want to come hang out at our place? I'll have to escape once or twice to the bedroom to pump so it's not awkward for either of us, feel free to entertain yourself though. Appointment today? Okay I'll do a 3 hour stretch now, a 2 hour stretch right before we leave and after a 4 hour to make up for the extra hour so we have enough time to get everything done. There is literally nothing convenient or glorious about pumping, but I'll spare you the gory details.
So here we are at 16 months. I'm still not eating dairy, soy or almond and it's kind of second nature. I haven't had real ice cream in over a year, and I miss Chinese and Thai food more than I can explain. But more than my love for certain foods, I love that sweet little boy. He is my world and I would do anything for him, including watching my husband devour his own Chocolate Thunder from Down Under while I sip my lemonade.
In January I pumped 162 times for a total of 3200 minutes. That's 53.3 hours, or just over 2 days. I was able to give Levi 1118.5 ounces, or 8 3/4 gallons, of milk that he can tolerate and I wouldn't have it any other way.
April will be 18 months and at that point I will reevaluate where we stand. I actually just bought a new pump and am toying with the idea of continuing to 2 years. Of course his intake would slow down and the need to run my life around the pump would drop, what's 6 more months after this long? We'll see.
